Wednesday, August 27, 2008
I Really Am Trying Hard
I believe that two necessary components to any successful relationship are communication and respect. Being the parent of two teenage boys often forces me to rethink how I live out these principals. Maintaining communication with them is more often than not difficult.
This week my husband and I have discussed on a few occasions amongst ourselves how often what we say, how we say it, and our actions affect the relationships we have. A lot of time we don't even realize this - not being able to see the trees for the forest type thing.
So, having laid that background, let me tell you how communication is going in our house this week. . .
I actually had what I would consider a very good conversation with my younger son one night. Just he and I at the dinner table. Questions were asked and answered candidly. Information from him was volunteered about other subjects. You know - an honest to goodness conversation that ends when everyone involved senses the goodness has come to an appropriate ending.
And then it occured again yesterday afternoon with my older son. He had arrived home from school alone - first time in the nine days of school. He was in his room when I returned from running errands, playing a video game. I entered his room and sensing no hostility I eventually sat in the chair next to him and watched him play. A few questions about the game were answered candidly and eventually more questions about school were answered likewise. He even volunteered information about other subjects. You know - an honest to goodness conversation that ended when everyone involved sensed the goodness had come to an appropriate ending.
I left the room feeling REALLY good about myself and the state of our world in general. Two good conversations in two days - it doesn't always happen that way in this world of parenting teenagers!!
Shortly after this my husband and I travel to PoHigh for our younger son's football scrimmage. Which also was encouraging. A head coach who was engaged in the boys and the action. Assistant coaches who also played their roles well. Boys who performed pretty well for their first outing of the season. Already a change of pace from last season.
Upon returning home I was no where near looking for a meaningful conversation with my boys. I mean, come on, I know when not to push my luck. But at some point in the evening - about the time my oldest was heading to take a shower - something obviously had altered the happy state of my little world. He was surly and exasperated with any spoken word from my mouth. He made his way to the shower letting his opinion be known.
And since I really am trying hard to work our way through this I turn to my husband and ask, "Does my tone of voice say 'kiss my (boohind)', because that is the tone I am getting back?!?!"
It takes him a couple of seconds to recover from laughing, but he assures me that he is not hearing that tone in my voice.
"Great, just checking."
Parenting is not for the faint of heart - or for those without a sense-of-humor!
simple faith
I believe that two necessary components to any successful relationship are communication and respect. Being the parent of two teenage boys often forces me to rethink how I live out these principals. Maintaining communication with them is more often than not difficult.
This week my husband and I have discussed on a few occasions amongst ourselves how often what we say, how we say it, and our actions affect the relationships we have. A lot of time we don't even realize this - not being able to see the trees for the forest type thing.
So, having laid that background, let me tell you how communication is going in our house this week. . .
I actually had what I would consider a very good conversation with my younger son one night. Just he and I at the dinner table. Questions were asked and answered candidly. Information from him was volunteered about other subjects. You know - an honest to goodness conversation that ends when everyone involved senses the goodness has come to an appropriate ending.
And then it occured again yesterday afternoon with my older son. He had arrived home from school alone - first time in the nine days of school. He was in his room when I returned from running errands, playing a video game. I entered his room and sensing no hostility I eventually sat in the chair next to him and watched him play. A few questions about the game were answered candidly and eventually more questions about school were answered likewise. He even volunteered information about other subjects. You know - an honest to goodness conversation that ended when everyone involved sensed the goodness had come to an appropriate ending.
I left the room feeling REALLY good about myself and the state of our world in general. Two good conversations in two days - it doesn't always happen that way in this world of parenting teenagers!!
Shortly after this my husband and I travel to PoHigh for our younger son's football scrimmage. Which also was encouraging. A head coach who was engaged in the boys and the action. Assistant coaches who also played their roles well. Boys who performed pretty well for their first outing of the season. Already a change of pace from last season.
Upon returning home I was no where near looking for a meaningful conversation with my boys. I mean, come on, I know when not to push my luck. But at some point in the evening - about the time my oldest was heading to take a shower - something obviously had altered the happy state of my little world. He was surly and exasperated with any spoken word from my mouth. He made his way to the shower letting his opinion be known.
And since I really am trying hard to work our way through this I turn to my husband and ask, "Does my tone of voice say 'kiss my (boohind)', because that is the tone I am getting back?!?!"
It takes him a couple of seconds to recover from laughing, but he assures me that he is not hearing that tone in my voice.
"Great, just checking."
Parenting is not for the faint of heart - or for those without a sense-of-humor!
simple faith
Monday, August 11, 2008
A Boy and His Truck
It was our oldest son's 16th birthday. He had finally helped narrow down the choices for his first vehicle. My husband, my son, Red, and myself head to the sunflower state to shop for a truck. At our second stop he lays claim to a dark blue 1999 Ford Ranger. He is happy and all is right with the world.
The next week it is time to take his driving test for his license. I make the "prepared mom" phone call to make sure we show up with all the paperwork, etc that is needed these days to take a driving test. After lunch we journey out to the testing facility and take a number. After waiting a short while, it is his turn. Height, weight, picture, fingerprint, signature - let the driving test begin!
A few short moments after the tester leaves to meet him in the parking lot she returns. It seems his brake light over the cab is out. The lone ranger cannot be used to take the test. But, we could bring out another vehicle.
No problem - we can do this. I assume that mindset and we return to the house to pick up my vehicle. We run a check on all the lights, etc before driving back out to the testing facility. Amazingly, my brake light above my rear door is out also!
My son is getting a bit frustrated, but me - no way. I continue my no problem mindset and off we go (screwdriver in hand) to an auto parts shop. . . afterall, changing a lightbulb cannot be that difficult. We get in line and I am still confident that this will go well. This store's commercials promise me a good experience with a knowledgeable and very helpful person.
To make a long story short, that was not my experience. I was also a bit surprised to find out that when you remove the light cover on the brake light that the entire mechanism comes out - wires and all. I know, I asked myself the same thing - why would it be so complicated? You should just be able to pop off the cover and replace a bulb without dealing with all sorts of wires and plastic thingies.
My mindset had deteriorated a bit - focusing more on the false advertising and poor design. But I offered one last hope. We could pick up my husband's truck and still do this testing today. My son declines and I don't blame him. I don't even like to pull the truck in and out of the garage because of its size, much less would I want to try to parallel park the thing for a driving test.
My son is disappointed but not too much. He is off to hang with some of his friends until Dad can get home to fix the problem.
After work my husband arrives home. By this time several boys are in our house playing games in the den. My husband asks my son for the key so he can take a look at the brake light.
Key? Hmmmmm. . . well I took it with me to so and so's house, and I remember showing it to so and so, hmmmm. . . . .
(This is the point in the story that all parents with teenagers are shaking their heads in sympathy or smiling because it is now us, not them.) Yes, he had lost THE ONLY key we owned to the vehicle!!!
The night was spent searching and the next day spent making phone calls. A couple of days later the locksmith shows up at our house to make new keys. We hoped that the age of the truck would mean no computer chips in the keys, but we were not that fortunate. The oldest son learned a valuable lesson when he had to write the check on his account to pay for the locksmith and keys.
It took another couple of trips to the testing place to finally obtain his license. But now he is officially licensed to drive.
And so another chapter of our lives begins.
simple faith
It was our oldest son's 16th birthday. He had finally helped narrow down the choices for his first vehicle. My husband, my son, Red, and myself head to the sunflower state to shop for a truck. At our second stop he lays claim to a dark blue 1999 Ford Ranger. He is happy and all is right with the world.
The next week it is time to take his driving test for his license. I make the "prepared mom" phone call to make sure we show up with all the paperwork, etc that is needed these days to take a driving test. After lunch we journey out to the testing facility and take a number. After waiting a short while, it is his turn. Height, weight, picture, fingerprint, signature - let the driving test begin!
A few short moments after the tester leaves to meet him in the parking lot she returns. It seems his brake light over the cab is out. The lone ranger cannot be used to take the test. But, we could bring out another vehicle.
No problem - we can do this. I assume that mindset and we return to the house to pick up my vehicle. We run a check on all the lights, etc before driving back out to the testing facility. Amazingly, my brake light above my rear door is out also!
My son is getting a bit frustrated, but me - no way. I continue my no problem mindset and off we go (screwdriver in hand) to an auto parts shop. . . afterall, changing a lightbulb cannot be that difficult. We get in line and I am still confident that this will go well. This store's commercials promise me a good experience with a knowledgeable and very helpful person.
To make a long story short, that was not my experience. I was also a bit surprised to find out that when you remove the light cover on the brake light that the entire mechanism comes out - wires and all. I know, I asked myself the same thing - why would it be so complicated? You should just be able to pop off the cover and replace a bulb without dealing with all sorts of wires and plastic thingies.
My mindset had deteriorated a bit - focusing more on the false advertising and poor design. But I offered one last hope. We could pick up my husband's truck and still do this testing today. My son declines and I don't blame him. I don't even like to pull the truck in and out of the garage because of its size, much less would I want to try to parallel park the thing for a driving test.
My son is disappointed but not too much. He is off to hang with some of his friends until Dad can get home to fix the problem.
After work my husband arrives home. By this time several boys are in our house playing games in the den. My husband asks my son for the key so he can take a look at the brake light.
Key? Hmmmmm. . . well I took it with me to so and so's house, and I remember showing it to so and so, hmmmm. . . . .
(This is the point in the story that all parents with teenagers are shaking their heads in sympathy or smiling because it is now us, not them.) Yes, he had lost THE ONLY key we owned to the vehicle!!!
The night was spent searching and the next day spent making phone calls. A couple of days later the locksmith shows up at our house to make new keys. We hoped that the age of the truck would mean no computer chips in the keys, but we were not that fortunate. The oldest son learned a valuable lesson when he had to write the check on his account to pay for the locksmith and keys.
It took another couple of trips to the testing place to finally obtain his license. But now he is officially licensed to drive.
And so another chapter of our lives begins.
simple faith
